Saturday, July 3, 2010

Story books

As the pages of my life's story fill up with every year that passes by, I'm forced to reflect on how various decisions have led me to the place I am now. A happy childhood, followed by an awkward high school stint, then a few years of uni filled with serious boyfriends and wishing that I was a few years older so I could do the serious things in life like get married, set up house...and now there is the late 20's where I have realised that if I had gone down the road I thought I would take in my early 20's, I would be miserable. Whilst in many ways I have reverted back to some of the things I did when I was younger, I feel I am doing those things now with the perspective I lacked 10 years ago and a very different attitude.
Would I rewrite any of my story? I've decided no. Sure there are things I wish I hadn't done; but they are mainly things that hurt other people. So far as the things I've learnt, the places I've seen, the people I have met; I wouldn't change a thing. The relationships I've had, well there is at least one that I think I could have done without, but they have led me to places I never would have been before and to people I would otherwise never have met.
As we travel along life's path I think we begin to come to peace with the fact that to a certain extent you do write your own story but that there are also many things that are out of our control. Past pages are filled with events that occurred as a result of my own choices; and things that happened supposedly by chance. But then, is there such a thing as chance or coincidence?
I think everything happens for a reason, that to a certain extent we affect the things that happen in our lives but that many things that happen are in fact determined by someone else's path, someone else's choices, affecting yours.
Because we don't all exist as single entities do we? We exist singuarly but also together. My choices will inevitably affect someone else's at some point. My choice to stop seeing one person and start seeing another will affect 2 other people's story. Stepping in front of someone in the supermarket queue affects how quickly the person behind will get out of there and get home to thier family. Or their cat as the case may be!
If I hadn't followed one person interstate I never would have moved for a second time and met dozens of other new people. For that reason I think we should reflect on the positive things that eventuate as a result of a seemingly negative choice. As one door closes another is always opening; finding that opening and realising it happened as a result of another closing is the key to establishing perspective on life. That it is not about what you don't have, it is about what you do have and accepting that tomorrow is a new day, that although you may have plans for that day and the days beyond, the best laid plans can come unstuck.
Either way though, for better or worse, that is what makes life exciting and what keeps you feeling alive.
I don't want to rush through my life, I want to appreciate it as I go. I don't know what that means for my future; but not knowing is what keeps me moving forward and adding pages to my story.

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